


Bad Habit

by Charlie9646



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Cigarettes, Co-workers, Epilogue What Epilogue Harry Potter, F/M, Mental Illness, Nymphadora Tonks Lives, PTSD, Post War, Severus Snape Lives, Smut, mental health
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:13:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23728123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charlie9646/pseuds/Charlie9646
Summary: She’s his worst habit, and his greatest joy. But together they learn you must want be better for yourself.
Relationships: Severus Snape/Nymphadora Tonks
Comments: 8
Kudos: 18





	Bad Habit

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you RavenpuffLove for the art for this, you gave me a prompt friend and I sort of ran with it.

  
“And in the middle of chaos, there was you.”

Severus Snape for as long as he could remember had bad habits, he had inherited some of them from his father, some of them from his mother, and some he just picked up over his thirty-nine years of life. Nymphadora Tonks was, however, his worst bad habit. It wasn't supposed to happen; it wasn't something that he had planned. The woman knew exactly what buttons of his to push and how to get a response out of him. Sometimes Severus could swear that Tonks would do things just to piss him off. 

The truth was he loved every single bloody minute of it. He loved Tonk’s giddy laughter that seemed to fill the room. Severus loved the taste of her lips. Her strange viewpoint on life, the world and even him. For whatever reason Tonks decided he was worthy of a second chance. 

Severus lit his cigarette, taking in the cold night air. It was quiet here in his new home. The laughter of children playing in the distance was odd, quiet birds chirping, he felt at peace in this instant something Severus never thought he would experience. Being a Hogwarts professor and Headmaster felt like a lifetime ago, though it had only been about a year. 

”That's a bad habit, Sev,” Tonks said and plopped down next to him, leaning her head into his shoulder. She smelled like lavender, and it wasn’t overwhelming but simply comforting. “You shouldn’t do it. Supposedly Muggles claim those things kill.”

“They do,” he muttered, taking another puff. “But, after all the things that I have done that nearly killed me? This is the least harmful thing I have ever done. And cigarettes calm my nerves anyway.”

“The nightmares, they are still bad?” She asked, pulling away to look up at him and tucking some of his hair behind his ear. “There has to be something they can do...”

”There isn't.” Severus snapped, ”Gosh I am sorry I know you're only trying to help, it's just there only is only so much that can be done and they have tried every single potion that they can.”

”There is another option you know,” Tonk’s tucked one of her knees up under her chin, bright pink hair blowing in the wind around her. A riot of something that reminded him of the bubblegum Lily always used to chew. Merlin, Severus felt old, and yet he wasn’t even forty. That was barely even middle age for a wizard, and yet it felt like he had lived a lifetime.

”Not really interested in letting someone treat me like a lab rat, but thanks.”

”It helps you know.”

”My life was already laid out for all to see thanks to Potter,” he said. ”I have no interest in rehashing things with some stupid mind healer who sat out the war and might as well be some sort talking head.”

”This can't continue, Severus,” she whispered in his ear and kissed his forehead, “I love you, you pain in the arse and whether or not you can see you are worthy of love and happiness. Come and join me in bed when you're done with your cancer stick. Tomorrow we have to work on that case.” 

The woman Severus was clearly not worthy of, kissed him, thoroughly already working on a few of the buttons on his shirt. He, at least in his opinion, did not deserve her, Tonks stood and walked back into his home. 

Tonks was his worst habit, the one he most needed to break. Someone so full of life didn't need to be tied down with a man like him, and yet he was unable to give her up, he wanted her to stay with him, but he knew one day she would go and find someone better than him. Severus finished his cigarette, ashing it out with the toe of his black leather boot. He sighed softly and walked into his home. Taking off his shoes, setting them by the door. He walked slowly to his bedroom, where Severus found her, sitting on his bed in nothing but her tee-shirt and knickers.

An old leather-bound book was open on her lap, Severus only hoped it wasn't one of his darker tomes. But, maybe that would be for the best for Tonks to see him as he truly was. He sat down next to her on the bed.

”You know Severus; my mother is a Black, don't you?” Setting the book aside on the end table closest to her, “And Auror training taught me about magic they wouldn't dare teach at Hogwarts. Alastor ”Mad-Eye” Moody was my mentor. I am sure you already figured this out, but he was the type of man willing to do what must be done. He was also a Slytherin, as is my mother.”

”Where are those Hufflepuff morals? And the goodness of all who dwell in it.”

”Hufflepuffs are about fairness. Not the morals and righteousness of Gryffindors.” Tonks muttered, ”Stop assuming you know about me and what I believe, Severus Snape. I am not her. I am not Lily Bloody Potter. I am Tonks. The person has a little bit more in common with you than I would like to admit some days.”

”I know your not her, nor do I want you to be. We are, however, not the same,” Severus snapped. “You're far better than I am, and don't ever tell yourself any different.”

”You seem to see me rose coloured glasses,” she laughed, harshly. ”I made it to the other side of that bloody war, alive, as an Order member, as a halfblood, as a daughter of a Muggleborn. My father is still alive because of what I was willing to do to those Snatchers. When I tell you talking to someone helps? I speak from experience whether or not you understand that. You know what I did once in school? I made myself look like the boy, a girl who kept making fun of me liked. And you know what? I told her I liked her, and then said I had to go and do something.”

”I remember what happened; Laurel Nott was her name or something like that. She was quite angry and insisted you must have done something,” He said, ”I had a feeling you did something.”

”Then why didn't you punish me?” Tonks asked him with a mischievous look in her eyes.

”Because I couldn't prove it was you, but also because it wasn't worth it. I do remember that you kissed Laurel as well, that was rather cruel.” Severus remarked, ”But, mostly because I thought it was quite funny and rather Slytherin of you. Did it really help to talk to someone?”

”It did, and it made the potion’s work better. They are meant to be along with therapy.” She said, ”And anyway the person who kissed her did have a crush on her. Just not the one she would want to admit she liked. And don't go there with that dirty mind of yours, I am bisexual, I like men and women, not being a man’s fantasy of two girls to hook up with.”

”I know that, but it's still fun to poke fun at you.” Severus asked her as he started to unbutton his shirt, throwing it in the hamper in the corner when he was finished. ”Will it make you happy if I try? If I let the shrink pick my mind apart?”

”Don't do it for me; do it for yourself.” She sighed, leaned against his back, kissing his neck as she did so, ”It has to be for you, not anyone else. Not even for me. Love for another isn't a reason to put yourself back together again, and if you do it because of me? It will crumble like a stack of cards if either of us or both choose to end this, or something were to happen to me.”

Severus pulled away, flinching away at both those comments and chewing on his pale, thin lips. He flopped back on the bed and stared at the rotating ceiling fan. Severus knew the woman he loved spoke the truth, even if it hurt to admit it even to himself. 

Severus spent his life trying to be better for the approval of others, first for his mother, then Lily, then Lucius, then Albus. Tonks was just another page in a long tale. He needed to do this for himself and only himself. Everything else had to be secondary to wanting to be a better person, a healthier person. 

”I know Tonks, and it will be. It's a bad habit of mine. A rather horrible habit. Not thinking I am worthy of much.” Severus stated, ”I got in the habit of saying I just had to make it through the next second, the next minute, the next hour, and at my best the next day. It's not a really good method of living, is it?”

”No, it's not.”Tonk said, ”I know the name of a few mind healers, Severus. Hopefully, you click with one.” 

”We should sleep, besides we have an early tomorrow morning.”

Instead of agreeing a small warm hand went to work on his trousers, undoing the button and zipper. Somehow someway this woman thought he was good enough to deserve her. And until she realised that it wasn't the case, Severus was going to enjoy it. He was going to sit in the warm sun that was Tonk’s love. For what felt like he hadn't done in a lifetime, Severus was going to do something that was merely for himself. But, that could wait until tomorrow. 

Kissing Tonks was like nothing else. It was like being allowed to be someone else for a few moments. Like the world outside didn't matter anymore. She pulled away and giggled, ”what about that early morning?”

”It’s not like it's going to matter Kingsley likes you, and I don’t really sleep.” 

“That sounds like something a vampire would say,” Tonks laughed. ”Though you're far too warm for one of those.” 

Making love to Nymphadora, was like, well it was like finally getting to breathe after sitting at the bottom of a lake. That pure pleasure of feeling alive and that wondrous feeling of sheer utter joy. For whatever stupid reason she loved him, and he loved her. It was her name that fell from his lips when he came inside of her and his own from hers. The way Tonks said it made him hope and yearn for more moments like this. It made him dream of a lifetime with her, but for now, Severus wouldn't dare dream of such a thing, because all that mattered was this instant and the woman in his arms.

”I love you, Severus,” Tonks whispered.

“And I love you.”

For once in a long time, sleep overtook Severus with ease. Tomorrow there was work, contacting mind healers and trying to figure out how to live with wounds of the past. Not all that was broken needed to be fixed, or even bad habits, sometimes you need them to survive, but Tonks surely wasn't either of them for Severus. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
